When Peace Feels Like Cheating

There is a gentle peacefulness that shows up in the early morning hours. The sun peaking over the horizon. The sound of birds singing their wakeup calls. The energy of the day not quite hectic or chaotic.

The loudest, sometimes annoying sound I hear in the morning is my mother’s kitchen clock ticking so loudly, that I’m reminded of each second passing. Jolting me back into the moment of how I want to spend my time—today, tomorrow, next month.

I suppose in a world that feels busy and loud and obnoxious at times, I fall back on the moments that bring me the feeling of peace and joy. Having lived a life filled with dramatic ups and downs, the solace of the steady can sometimes feel like I’m cheating the system out of what more it might expect of me.

The truth is no one has expected more from me than I have expected of myself. At this stage of my life, I’m blessed with the flexibility to choose how I spend my time. I can choose to be productive, sit in silence, languish my solitude, or I can reach out and share my knowledge, and hard won wisdom.

Do you ever feel like you’re cheating the system? Like in a world of complexity and chaos, you get to sit comfortably in your home-safe, protected, and hopefully loved. While others struggle to find a place to live, put gas in their car, or feed their families.

It’s hard not to look up from our own environments and realize just how blessed we are. Sometimes I think we can get stuck on our own challenges, shortcomings, or problems and think the world revolves around our needs. As if the universe circles around us, and yet we’re truly only one tiny part of something so grand it’s incomprehensible at times.

I think about life a lot. I don’t think as much about my trials and tribulations, although I write about them periodically. But since I’ve been blessed to make it through some difficult storms, I stand on the other side of them now. Only remembering things when they pop up unexpectantly or there’s perhaps some lingering thread I haven’t quite integrated emotionally.

Perspective seeking is perhaps one of the ways I’ve managed to stay grounded. Not feeling guilty for the ways in which I’ve been blessed also helps me to have compassion, but also feel gratitude and not guilt.

Do you ever get that feeling? The one that questions whether or not you deserve something when others seemingly are suffering.

I think it’s really about having a reconciliation of knowing we are all a small part of something much bigger than ourselves. Yet, recognizing the tiny actions we may take impact so many other people. Good or bad.

Being polite and kind have an outsized value in the world that leans more towards social isolation. Ever notice how it takes a bigger effort to really connect with others? Sometimes it’s about what energy we have to give. Other times it’s about time.

But I really believe that a genuine connection of authenticity is a soul level inspiration. When you sit next to someone who is looking directly into your eyes, it’s meaningful. Powerful.

Connection reminds us we are human. And for all our differences, we still have so much more in common than we realize. Commonalities get lost in different seasons of our lives. Sometimes it’s just the feeling of being overwhelmed by our own lives. When we struggle we are forced to turn our energy toward ourselves, with so much less to give outwardly.

Not right or wrong, simply a necessity for survival.

I was having a conversation with someone the other day. They were struggling and insinuated that I might not be able to relate. In the season of my life where I get to reap great joy from watching a noisy blue jay and two cardinals grace my bird feeder at the same time, it sounds as if my life is pretty simple.

Indeed, it is.

But that doesn’t make me any less aware of what struggle looks or feels like. In fact, I probably have a greater appreciation for all the storms we go through in life.

What I know is true, is that storms do pass. And sometimes the lingering effects of the damage that occurred stays with us for a lifetime. But noticing and focusing on all that is beautiful and good can be a salve for those difficulties.

You cannot hold two thoughts at one time in your mind. If we’re thinking about how terrible we feel, how unfair life is, how the world is crazy, our feelings and emotions will line up with those thoughts.

Likewise, if we appreciate the small things in life, even when things are difficult, changing, or painful, peace and joy can still permeate our spirits.

For this moment, I choose peace. Not because I’ve lived a life without suffering. But because I have suffered, I know the contrast. And peace makes me much happier, more fulfilled, and more energized.